Sobonfu Somé writes, “In today’s world, most of us carry grief and do not even know it. We have been trained at a very young age how not to feel. In the West we are often taught that to be good girls and boys we have to “suck it up.” The consequences are that even with your most intimate and trustworthy friends you might feel like, “I am burdening them.” Crying in front of others is too often a forbidden fruit. We learn to compartmentalize our grief because expressing it in an unwelcoming place will only lead to more grief. We are taught that the people who are closest to us have no way of holding us when we fall apart.

Yet we are born fully knowing how to grieve. We cry naturally to feel better, to unburden ourselves and take a few pounds off our shoulders and souls.”

In these times we often don’t have access to a healthy communal space to express grief and sorrow.
We’re taught that grief is something to be done only in extreme circumstances, and if grief is expressed, it should be done quickly and privately.

This leads us to carry the burden of unprocessed and unwitnessed grief throughout our lives.

When we don’t allow grief to move we’re left feeling heavy-hearted and alone.
This can lead to numbing grief with distraction, addiction, or isolation.
It also numbs us from the joy, wonder, and beauty that life has to offer.

When We Choose To Grieve

We choose to feel both the joy and sorrow of life.
We choose the shared connection that each of us hold.
We choose to not be alone.
We choose to belong.
We choose to live fully.

What Do We Grieve?

"It is a terrible source of grief in itself not to be able to grieve.” - Martin Prechtel

The grief we carry can show up in many different ways, often we find ourselves experiencing various forms of grief throughout our days and lives.  Francis Weller in his book, "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" writes about the 5 Gates of Grief:

The 5 Gates of Grief 

First Gate: Everything we love we will lose.
Losing someone or something we love
Loss of those who depart this Earth before us; our parents, spouse, children, siblings, friends
Loss of home, beloved animals, places you have loved
Loss from illness or injury; treasured skills and capacities
Loss of a life dream
 

Second Gate: The Places that have not known love
Places in ourselves never touched by love
Places wrapped in shame and banished
Places lived outside of compassion, warmth and welcome
Parts that we hate in ourselves and hold in contempt and that we deny the healing power of community
Outcast portions of our soul appearing as addictions, depression, anxiety and other symptoms calling for our attention.
 

Third Gate: The Sorrows of the World
 The losses of the world around us
Daily diminishment of species, habitats and cultures
Sorrow for the Earth (not personal but shared and communal)
 

Fourth Gate: What we expected and did not receive
Things we may never realize we have lost, because we weren’t born into a village with full joyous welcome of our gifts
And so we carry:
Unconscious disappointment
Feelings of loneliness and aloneness
Diminished experience of who we truly are
At the core of this grief is our longing to belong and longing to be longed for.
 

Fifth Gate: Ancestral Grief
Unacknowledged and untended sorrow of those who came before us:
Lost connection to land, language, imagination, rituals, songs, stories of their/our ancestors
Sense of homelessness, orphaned between old and new worlds
Experience of woundedness, loss and abandonment, where grief and shame are intermingled, residing in the psychic  history of our lineage
Collective soul grief of abuses of millions

From the work of Francis Weller in his book “The Wild Edge of Sorrow”

What Does A Grief Ritual Retreat Look Like?

This gathering is about sharing what is true for you, whether it’s tears, anger, numbness or fear.
It‘s about authenticity and connection.
There’s no expectation that you express your grief in any specific way. It’s not designed to “fix or process” you.
We’re hear to listen and express gratitude and share your feelings and experience.
This isn’t a depressing event, it’s a joyful, life affirming one.
All of you is welcome.

Over 3 days you’ll
share, witness, and honor our grief and our joy.
be invited to speak and listen from the heart.
connect to the natural world, other people, and with yourself.
share in simple rituals that honor the fullness and wholeness of life.